5 Proven Ways Get a Date for Valentine’s Day

There are lots of ways to determine which girls to pursue, like if you want one with similar academic interests or if she's wearing jeggings

There are lots of ways to determine which girls to pursue, like if you want one with similar academic interests or if she's wearing jeggings

First off I want to apologize for getting this post out to you late.  I had most of it written last week and wanted to get it off in time to help you get a date this past weekend (for V-DAY!), but I was busy with my own romantic endeavors (if you know what I mean).  I realize now that I’m too late in publishing to help you out, but I figured I’d go ahead and publish anyway so you can print out the post and save it somewhere for Valentine’s Day, 2012.

Without further adieu, here’s my guide to getting a date for V-Day (it consists of methods that have worked for me in the past or ones that I’ve heard of working on girls):

1. Accidentally brush by target on your skateboard (+wipeout): Alright this one’s easy.  When you’ve found the Pi Phi or Kappa girl that you wanna ask out you just need to set up behind her, where she should be walking away from you.  Then you skateboard past her, but “accidentally” brush her side with your back then pretend to wipeout on the grass.   When she comes up to you (which they do almost every time) just pretend like you’re worried if they are hurt and take responsibility for hitting them.  If you skate goofy go to her left; if you skate regular go to her right—if you needed to be told this then you’re probably not a good enough skater to do this one successfully.  Here’s how it works:

Katie from QBA (coming up to me after I wiped out): Oh my God, are you okay?

Me: I’m so sorry.  Did I hit you?  Sometimes I get going so fast on my skateboard that I don’t see people.  I’m really sorry about that because this is so embarrassing.

Katie from QBA: Are you okay?

Me: Of course I am.  I was just worried that I might have hurt you or something.

Katie from QBA: Seriously, you’re ear is bleeding.  I can’t tell where the cut starts and stops.  [I accidentally fucked up the wipeout landing when I did this on Katie, and my head hit the concrete lip between the grass and the path.  This was the only time I’ve ever gotten hurt though].  Maybe you should go to the hospital.

Me: The hospital, huh?  That sounds overwhelming to do alone.

Katie from QBA: Do you have a car?

Me: Yes.

Katie from QBA: I’ll take you then.  And by the way, can you swing me by Schnucks for an al’ run after you get stitched up?

2. Go to Chabad: This can be tricky, but you’ll have fun regardless.  Take a couple shots of Smirnoff, sink a Nattie Light, and head of to Chabad with your wing man.  There are some cute girls to meet there, and you’ll be fine as long as you don’t make fun of Genesis or talk about the New York Times.

3. Wear a Backwards Hat: This one is a classic.  You gotta find your favorite hat and your favorite backwards style.  Last week, when I was looking for a Valentine’s Date, I stayed busy by making laps through the Village every few hours, wearing my backwards hat.  For more info on the best way to wear your hat (or “hat branding”) check out Five Cool Ways to Wear a Hat Backwards.

4. Come to my frat: My fraternity tends to have the best parties.  If you’re a brother, you know who you are.  You can usually find plenty of girls there to hook-up with/massage on the lobby couch/ask on dates.  I massaged Emily (shoulder massage, over her shirt) in the lobby on Friday because I was still trying to get a Valentine’s date for Saturday, but unfortunately she’s really busy this weekend and all of next week so she couldn’t do it.

5.  Find a baby to borrow and pretend like you are a caring single father: I think it is what happened in that romcom with Jennifer Aniston.  I’ve never done it in a frat or anything, but any trick that works on Jennifer Aniston is a trick that’s worth a shot.  Since it ended up not working out with Katie from QBA, I thought about asking a family in Malinckrodt if I could borrow their baby, but I decided that it wouldn’t have been the right thing to do to mislead a girl that I wanted to get a date with like that.  Anyway, it’s too bad that the “skateboard brush-by” didn’t work on Katie from QBA, but it probably would have if she didn’t need to do her QBA project after they finished stitching me at the hospital and we went to Schnucks for her ‘al run.  If there’s a silver lining, it’s that I didn’t have to do the QBA project (our prof. must have forgotten to hand it out to some of us).

PS My ear will be fine—just a little scar after they take the stitches out.  You can rest assured that I won’t let the social discourse at Wash U suffer just because my ear hurts.

~ by killerbuffalo on February 16, 2011.

One Response to “5 Proven Ways Get a Date for Valentine’s Day”

  1. Yeah. If shes in a sorority and wearing jeggings theres not really much else you could ask for.

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