Top 5 College Sweatshirts to Wear On Campus

What college sweatshirt you wear lets people know who you are and if you like to hook up with preppy girls from Connecticut or Southern chicks.  I know that my Cal Tech sweatshirt was a major help in getting elected vice president of the treasury in the engineering junior honors society.  Also I’m pretty sure that my Writing 1 professor lowered my participation grade because I came to class a few times wearing my Dartmouth hoodie and one day when he logged onto his email to download a video about binaries and strands, I saw that Dartmouth rejected him from their English PhD program.  Different people can have different preferences when it comes to college hoodies, but these are the overall top five college sweatshirts to be seen in on campus (sorority mixers included).  Please don’t tell me that this is subjective—I did too much research and spent too much time writing and editing this post to have someone say that this list is wrong or inconsistent or they don’t agree with it.

1. Brown: I like to party most of the time, but there’s another side of me too.  When I wear my Brown sweatshirt everyone assumes that I keep up to date with boring shit like the genocide in Egypt and observers know that I like food from all over the world—there are so many great falafel vendors in NYC that just sell literally right out of a truck!

2. Michigan: I know enough about sports to pull this off.  I usually wear this sweatshirt a lot in the winter to remind my brothers that I will finish in the top four of our March madness bracket.  I’m not happy about Ole Miss getting our small forward, but it’ll be okay as long as I win the bracket.

This sweatshirt cost me less than my fantasy football insider app ($7.99!)

2. Middlebury: I wore this one a lot in high school when I played golf and LAX.  I also used to ski in it with my North Face over it.  Last January when I got back to St. Louis from vacation, I went to Hidden Valley and ran into a Middlebury kid, but we didn’t talk too much.  He seemed pretty awkward and anti-social.  He could have been angry that I ran into him on the ski slope, but if he was smart enough to go to Middlebury then I shouldn’t need to explain to him that the double-black diamonds can be tough.

3. WashU: Wash U is a good school that is highly respected for its academic and athletic programs.  I don’t always wear this around in New York because I don’t want to intimidate people, but I did send one to my friend at UCLA because I knew he is always looking to keep up with trends.

4. Brown: This is a good sweatshirt if you know someone who goes to Brown, even if you have never been there.  Most people around here don’t know about Brown except for their UPS Ground program which has gone international and no St. Louisans have never heard of Providence, so you can say pretty much anything about the parties you had there and all the sorority girls you hooked up with.

5. Boulder: I wear this sweatshirt when I want to score some dank nugs at AEPi or in the Loop.  For a while I used to just go in my Wesleyan sweatshirt, but I found that Mike put really good weed (and only really good weed) in the bag when I came in the Boulder sweatshirt and he didn’t soak it in water before he weighed it and then sell me wet oregano.  I don’t know why people think Wesleyan guys are a bunch of pushovers—I would have gone/transferred there too if I couldn’t get in to Vassar or got rejected by the good Wash U frats.

~ by killerbuffalo on February 22, 2011.